Empowering Survivors of Sexual Assault

By Kelly Addington & Becca Tieder
Experts on Sexual Empowerment & Co-Founders of Unite for Change

Peer Educators can play a big role in working to end sexual violence and help survivors obtain the help they need to recover. As peer educators you have an opportunity to help change lives for the better and make your campus and community a safer place. Discussing intimate issues such as sexual assault can be challenging. Understanding the feelings a survivor of sexual assault and how to assist them in recovery will help you to become a more skilled and confident educator as well as a crucial resource in the survivors recovery process.

People who have been sexually assaulted often experience a range of emotions and reactions; no two survivors of assault will feel exactly the same. After an assault a survivor begins a difficult struggle to gain control of their life and to heal their soul. They often have feelings of fear, guilt, and anger, loss of control, panic or shame. Sometimes survivors will experience a stage of shock or numbness. They may try to ignore what has happened to them in hopes that the feelings will disappear. Some survivors do not want to talk about the assault and try to forget that it happened. At some point something could trigger the survivor's memory and the thoughts and feelings of what happened could suddenly reappear. This could happen weeks, months or even years after the assault took place. It's important to keep in mind that survivors heal in their own way at their own pace.

As a peer educator, you may be the first person a survivor talks with about what happened and for a victim of sexual assault this is the starting point of recovery. Your help during this process can play an important role in their journey from victim to survivor. Your support and understanding are important factors in the healing.

Survivors of sexual assault need a great deal of support and caring as they begin to address and work through this very frightening experience. Remember that your primary role is to listen and share resources. You are not a licensed counselor, a lawyer, or a doctor; you should refer them to professionals for the best information on emotional, legal and medical issues. Providing resources and options for them to utilize will help them regain the control they have lost by being assaulted. Give the gift of information and respect the choices that are made.

Steps to Empower Survivors of Sexual Assault:

Believe them

Believe them without question or hesitation is one of the most important things you can do. Never question a person's actions, details of the assault or why they feel the way they do.

Help them explore their options

Empower them! Let them know they are not alone and remind them of available resources (campus counselor, campus or community rape crisis center, women's center, hospital, police department, etc). It is always up to the survivor to make choices that will affect the healing process.

Listen to them

Offer your support and offer your time. Let them know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready.

Never blame them

Say clearly and with care, “It was not your fault.” It is important that we help them understand that no matter what happened- it was not their fault.

Allow them to react

Remember, there are many ways for a survivor to respond. It's important not to ask a lot of probing questions. Your presence can reassure the survivor and allow them to work out their feelings in a safe environment.

Helpful Phrases:

• What do you want to do?
• How do you feel about that?
• Do you want to?
• What would you like?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?

Phrases to Avoid:

• Analyzing, interpreting: you're doing that because...
• Dominating or interrupting conversation
• Warning or instructing: If you don't ____ you will regret it.
• Questioning or grilling: When did it happen, where did it happen, why did you do that?
• Offering solutions: I think you should____.
• Providing overly positive evaluations: I'm sure you will be fine.

Helping someone recover from sexual assault can be a difficult experience for the peer educator. Understand that it's normal to feel a little uncomfortable. Trust your feelings as you're helping your peers. If talking about an intimate issue is awkward and you're not quite sure what to say, try to think about a time when you have felt vulnerable and think about what helped you the most. It was probably not specifically what someone said, but knowing that someone was there for you and believed in you that helped.

As a student leader you have an opportunity to help create the campus culture you so desire, a chance to use your position as a mentor to help make your campus a safer place. Learn what resources are available in your community and talk about them. Involve your peers in personal conversations about sexual assault prevention. Every time a dialogue about sexual assault is opened, it's an opportunity to prevent an act of violence.

After you feel educated, build allies. Partner with organizations, programs and resources that are already in place and work with them to enhance the services provided or simply spread the word about what services exist. If you're not satisfied with the resources on your campus, help create new ones. Yes, you! Students are the most powerful force on campus and as a student leader you have an opportunity to create solutions that will work for your campus community.

For more information visit www.uniteforchange.com contact Kelly or Becca at info@kellyandbecca.com.